It's All You Have
by Malmo722
Summary: Sequel to Not Dark Yet. Bella is dealing with her new life after the world and everyone around her has changed dramatically.
1. DAY 62: White Wedding

**A/N: What! I know I am doing a sequel. **

**It's going to be interesting. I know how I am going to end it so that's exciting.**

**My beta is readingmama she is awesome, go read her fan fic Sinful Thoughts. It's in my favourites. **

**Enjoy. **

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DAY 62: May 13 2013**

I looked beautiful.

I had gotten used to my face. I still looked like me, just the way I always wanted to look. A model in a magazine, airbrushed without the airbrushing.

My hair was in perfect tendrils pinned together in an elegant side ponytail at the base of my neck.

The dress had been altered only slightly. I was barely showing but was growing none the less.

I was carrying red roses while my bridesmaids, Alice and Rosalie, were dressed in strapless dresses that matched my roses in color, blood red. They were carrying white roses.

Alice fussed over me like a bee on a flower.

"I think I am okay Alice," I said calmly shooing her away. "I just need a moment to myself." I smiled.

"Okay we'll be outside." Alice grinned and ran outside pulling a beaming Rosalie with her.

I looked at the mirror one last time, smoothing the dress out over my body.

I could marry Edward. He was still Edward. He liked the same things. He had the same sense of humour and he looked at me the same way. It was just that everything was a little cleaner. Like my life was a Disney movie.

I could marry him and love him for years. Have our baby and many more. They could be whatever they wanted and have what ever they wanted.

Except the right to hate, kill, start a war, be vicious and vindictive, and argue passionately the little voice in my head listed off.

I sighed. Why was I so upset? These were horrible things, terrible things, that no one could do anymore. Why was I upset that people could no longer be horrible? This was a good thing.

I took one last breath, draped the sheer veil over my face and exited the dressing tent.

"Okay I'm ready," I said smiling looking at Alice and Rosalie.

We were getting married outside, under a tent with a sheer roof just as the stars started to come out. It was a basic field with seas of green grass and wildflowers. The tent was lit up by twinkle lights and I thought about what Edward must look like right now.

I closed my eyes and saw him in a perfectly pressed suit. His amazing beauty radiated off him like heat from the sun; affecting everyone around, improving their spirits just by being in his presence, but then another face would come.

The face of Edward the day he proposed. That was the face I missed. The face I dreamt about. The face I hope our baby had. It would be a boy I was sure of it. All I could do was hope. It was all I had.

Alice handed me my flowers and we started walking towards the tent. The music started and I took the slow marching steps until I turned and was now looking down at the aisle at Edward.

He was smiling, looking at me like I was the only person in the world.

And that's when I knew this was wrong. This would not work and that I would never love this Edward as much as I loved my Edward.

But I married him anyway. What else could I do? I choose this life.

I didn't cry in the ceremony and neither did Edward.

I did the things that were expected of a bride at her reception but sat through most of it and asked Edward if we could leave early.

He agreed without having to hear the lie I created.

I told him I was tired and that I wanted to sleep when we got home.

He smiled and got into bed. Wrapping his arms around me he pulled me close and whispered him my ear. "Good night Mrs. Cullen."

The phrase made me feel ill.


	2. DAY 83: School

**A/N: Hey girls! How are you? **

**Want to give a shout out to my beta readingmama, she is awesome. Go read her new fic, Gloaming. It's in my favourites and its crazy bananas good.**

**Drkvctry, AcrossTheSkyInStars, Claire Bloom, flecour and rpattzdude thanks for reading guys. You have stuck around and read all my shit I post. XOXO**

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**DAY 83: June 3rd 2013

I actually liked my job. It was interesting but at the same time rather boring. The books I was allowed to discuss were tame in nature but still dealt with issues that none of these people could fathom.

The students were aware of these hateful things; murder, rape, genocide, and why they were committed in the past. But they cannot see any reason for them to be committed in the future.

We would have basic conversations but all the children were willing to learn and eager to participate. It made the day pass quickly.

Teaching music was also enjoyable. It was just nice to be around instruments again. Teaching was one of the only parts of my life that was easy.

There were only 200 children living in the colony. I taught four English and two music classes each day. The other English teacher was a woman named Jessica Newton. She lived with her husband Michael about a block away from Edward and me.

We had dinner with them occasionally.

The summer was coming soon though and I knew I would have all day every day to do nothing. I would just have to wait till Edward got home and try to keep up my charade.

Normally I got home around 4:00 in the afternoon. I had an hour before Edward arrived home. It was my favourite time of day. I was alone with my thoughts, alone with my baby. Oliver. I named him already. Oliver Charles Swan. I would talk to my stomach for the hour and tell him stories about the adventures me and his daddy used to have.

It was my therapy. It made me feel better to talk to someone, even if that person would never remember and couldn't respond. It was comforting that someone knew. It was all I had.

When I heard the door open at 4:57, I groaned. I got up off the couch to go greet Edward.

"Hey baby," I said throwing my arms around him and burying my face into his neck. He still felt like Edward and if I didn't have to look at him or hear him, to me he still was the same Edward. His hugs were still the same. He would slide his hands around my waist slowly and then squeeze me tight just once after they full enclosed me. I cherished that.

"Hey." He smiled widely and looked over my face. He brushed the hair away from my face and kissed me lightly on the lips. "I missed you all day." He walked past me and into the kitchen. "How's the baby, today?"

"Baby's fine," I said quietly, following him into the kitchen.

He went into the fridge and took out a jug of water and put it on the counter; then to the cupboard to fetch a glass.

"Can you make dinner tonight? I want to work on a desert." I wasn't lying and I was actually looking forward to it. I hadn't baked in a long time. I wasn't good at it but it still reminded me of a simpler time when nothing ever made sense.

"That's actually perfect. Rosalie and Emmett are coming over tonight, remember." He had finished pouring his water and put the jug back in the fridge.

I closed my eyes, bringing my hand up to my forehead and sighed. "Right."

"Are you okay? Do you want me to cancel?" Edward walked towards me looking concerned.

I put my hand out as if to stop him. "No, no. I just forgot that's all." I smiled.

He kissed my forehead and then went back to the fridge to take some vegetables out. "I know what you mean. I had a crazy day at work. I can't believe _I_ remembered."

"Really? What happened?" I pulled out a chair and sat around our island. I put both of my elbows on the counter and let my chin rest in my hands.

"Cormac Anderson came in today," he said looking over his shoulder at me. He was smiling. He was proud that the 'President of the World' had come into his hospital.

"Really?" My heart was racing, why I had no idea. I didn't like the idea of that man being so close to Edward.

"Yeah you haven't heard?" he asked me, "It's all over the news."

I had stopped watching the news. It was boring because nothing ever happened. I just shook my head.

"He had a heart attack Bella." He looked really concerned.

This was impossible. Weren't we perfect? I knew Edward needed to be at the hospital if someone needed stitches but that was about it. "How?"

"His heart just gave out for a little while. Nobody's perfect. He'll be fine though. We are going to keep him for a couple of days and then he'll rest up at home." He looked up at me and grinned but then his face fell when he saw the look on my face. I knew I looked worried. "Why don't you go lie down and I will call Rose and Em and ask them to bring dessert," he said taking out a cutting board and getting to work on some green peppers.

I nodded. "Yeah okay." I got up and made my way upstairs.

I laid down on our bed and closed my eyes.

Why did I care about Cormac so much? He was the one that put me here. That started all this mess. I should be happy that something like this happened to him but I wasn't.

I tossed and turned for about a half hour before it came to me. I wanted him alive because he was the only one who truly knew our past. I wanted him alive because I knew that if anyone could help me it was him.

Once I realized I needed his help I dozed off easily till Edward woke me forty-five minutes later.

Dinner was easy. Rosalie rambled on about her wedding plans while Emmett and Edward discussed work. Emmett was a mechanic.

Rosalie and Emmett were getting married next January. I was going to be a bridesmaid and she did nothing but talk about it.

I half listened and nodded when I thought I'd should until they grew tired and decided to leave.

I got into my pyjamas and brushed my teeth. I waited for Edward to slip into the bed beside me. He pulled me close and started kissing my neck. Usually I pulled away from him and told him I was tired but tonight I played along. "Edward," I sighed.

"Bella," he panted back kissing my mouth.

"Edward?" I asked.

"Bella," he said not realizing I was asking a question.

"Edward how long is Cormac Anderson going to be at the hospital?" I inquired.

"What?" he asked. His brow furrowed slightly and I repeated my question. He parted from me. "Um, till Sunday I suppose." He smiled and went back to kissing me pulling my shirt over my head.

I let him kiss me and decided that I would have sex with him. It was the first time since being in this new world that I had let him touch me. I just hadn't been in the mood. I also felt like he was a stranger even though he was the most familiar person in my life.

The sex was good, better than I remember it being, but it was passionless. It was just an act that we were doing. I didn't feel like he wanted me the way he used to, like he needed me the way he used to. He had me and that was the end. I felt unwanted when it was over and even more distant from him than before.

He was asleep almost instantly while I laid awake in the dark. I had two more days of school and then I was going to visit Cormac Anderson and make him right his wrongs.

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**I was supposed to go out on a date and got stood up. Reviews make me feel better. **


	3. Day 86: Hospital

**A/N: Hey guys I am finally back. School is done and now I have my summer to try and finish this. I'm sorry it took me so long. I hope this chapter is a good come back. I like it. **

**Thanks to readingmama for being my awesome beta. She is currently writing a fic called Gloaming. You should read it. It's in my favourites. **

**Drkvctry, AcrossTheSkyInStars, Claire Bloom, flecour, kellygirl77 and rpattzdude thanks for reading guys. Sorry I took so long. I hope you all like it. **

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****DAY 86: June 6****th**** 2013**

I went to the hospital with Edward. He was working that day and I told him I was going to catch a ride with him because I had a doctor's appointment for the baby, which wasn't a lie. He sat with me as the doctor checked for the heartbeat and told us that everything was fine and the baby was healthy.

After the appointment he started making his rounds and I went to the gift shop to pick up flowers. No one stopped me or asked me what I was doing as I made my way to Cormac's room. I was arranging the flowers in a vase when Cormac's eyelids fluttered open.

"Isabella, what are you doing here?" he inquired. His voice was calm almost like he'd expected to see me here or maybe it was because he was weak.

I brought the flowers over, placed them by his bed and pulled up a chair. "I'm sorry to hear about your heart," I said rather convincingly.

He nodded and looked at the flowers. "Carnations are my favourite." Cormac smiled and looked back at me. "Why are you here Isabella?" He was a man that didn't beat around the bush.

I stared at him for a moment before replying, "I need you to make me forget."

He sighed. "I'm sorry Bella but I told you that it's impossible. You are simply immune to the process."

I clenched my jaw and continued, my words hissing through my teeth, "Change the process then."

He slowly brought his hand up and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Isabella it's not that simple."

"Make it that simple!" I yelled. I looked out into the hallway and was relieved to see that no one was there. I turned back around and moved closer to him. "Cormac you have no idea what it's like for me." I stopped when I saw no understanding in his eyes. "Aren't you lonely? Don't you feel alone in a world where no one knows anything about the past?" I stared at him, it was clear that he didn't.

"Edward is not the same. He's like a shell of what Edward should be. He's like a character; a completely unrealistic character that you read in a book." I stopped to wipe away the tears from my cheeks. I didn't even realize that I started crying. "You think it would be nice to have that man, that perfect man that the words describe but deep down in your heart you know that the man you have, the man of flesh in blood, is better than anything that words could describe. And I miss that." I pointed at my chest. "I need him to be Edward or I don't know how long I can survive here."

He looked at me with confusion. "I don't understand why you are so upset. You have a perfect life, a perfect husband and a baby on the way."

I scoffed. "You don't understand." I said and then started laughing. "You gave me an ability to be able to fight to defeat the wrong and now there is no wrong. My job is lacklustre, my house is always clean, the lawn is always perfect, no one goes out of their way to cause conflict and if there is conflict it's solved in a matter of seconds." I brushed the hair out of my face and grabbed a tissue cleaning up my face.

"What's the problem?" He tried to sit up in the bed but couldn't.

I growled in frustration. "I'm bored, that's the problem. You created a world for people that can't remember the past. Can't fathom hate and greed and envy and all the shit that's bad but you didn't create this world for me. For someone that could remember, someone that can't relate with anyone. So I want you to find a way to make me that way too," I paused. "Or give me back Edward."

"I can't give you Edward back. Once the procedure has been done, it's done." He stared at me and smiled. "But we will try to modify the process so that you can forget."

I sighed a sigh of relief and then fell back into my chair.

"It might take some time. It was no easy task, creating it the first time, and you're pregnant but I will try." I motioned to the cup of water by his bed. "Can you please get that for me?"

I reached up and put the straw to his lips and watched as the clear liquid went from the cup, up through the straw and into his mouth. He made a noise of refreshment when he was done. "Thank you Isabella."

I nodded with a weak smile and placed the cup back on the table. I stood looking at him. "Thank you for trying. You have no idea how much I need this."

"I'm not promising anything Isabella. I'm just telling you I'll try." He closed his eyes and looked away from me.

I nodded. "Feel better." I said and really meant it. My happiness depended on it.

I left the hospital with a feeling of relief and hope. He was going to try and that was all I could hope for. It was all I had.

I had thought of so many ways to solve my problem in the time that I had been living my new life and they always ended with me killing Cormac. But now I knew that this was the best way. The right way.

I walked home because I wanted the fresh air and because it wouldn't take me long. I got home made myself a tea and sat on a plush sofa I had actually come to love, turning the TV on. The only thing worth watching was a Charlie Brown cartoon. So I watched and waited and knew this would be my life until Cormac found a way to make me forget.

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**Did you all like it? Do you like where it's going? I guess you can't tell there isn't much here yet. **

**Thanks for reading everyone… love you all. **

**Reviews please, if you feel like it. It helps me gage how I'm doing. **


	4. Day 107: Can I See You Next Week?

**A/N: ****Drkvctry, AcrossTheSkyInStars, Claire Bloom, flecour, kellygirl77 and rpattzdude this ones for you. **

**Sorry this took so long. **

**Thanks readingmama for being my rad beta. XOXO**

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****DAY 107: June 27****th****, 2013 **

Waiting for Cormac to get better was pain staking. Every time the phone rang I ran to it, hoping it would be him telling me that he had come up with something or at the very least, that he wanted to see me so that he could get started on something.

For those twenty one days I wrote six songs, re-cleaned everything that our maid Nadia had already cleaned, took up yoga, read five books, mainly baby books and baked thirty-seven pies which I ended up giving to friends and neighbours. I did all of this and still taught at the school. There was only a week left and I was dreading it. I couldn't think of what else I would do to occupy my time.

Finally the phone rang and a young woman was on the other end. "Hello, Isabella Cullen?"

"Yes, this is she," I said nervously rubbing my tummy.

"I have Cormac Anderson for you." She immediately disconnected and I was left with that annoying beeping noise that lets you know you are on hold.

Then the beeping stopped. "Hello Isabella," he said rather nonchalantly.

"Cormac?" I said grasping the phone.

"Obviously," he replied like I was an idiot. "I need you to come to my office tomorrow. I need to run a simple test on you and then I'll see what I can do."

"How do I get there?" I asked nervously rubbing my belly.

"I'll have a car pick you up around two. Is that alright?" He sounded bored.

"Could you pick me up at three? I get home at two thirty from the school."

"That's fine. Goodnight Isabella." He hung up and so did I.

I felt uneasy. The most unsettling thing about Cormac Anderson was that he never seemed irked by anything. Everything was just as it was to him or at least that's that way it seemed but at least we were setting things in motion now.

After two hours of tossing and turning I finally got to sleep.

The next day went by slowly. I got up at my normal time and the morning flowed like normal. Edward went over what he assumed his day would go like, kissed me, then said goodbye to the baby and headed off to work. I went upstairs to get dressed and walked to school.

Class was boring and that day dragged. Finally it was time to go home and I booked it home from school. I got changed into more casual but still presentable attire and went downstairs to wait.

And then, finally, at two fifty five there was a knock at the door. I was opening it before the driver had time to return his hand to his side. "Mrs. Cullen?" he questioned.

"Yeah," I said smiling. It was the first time since I had started this new life that I had smiled for real, at least for anyone other than Oliver.

"I'm here to take you to Mr. Anderson." He was wearing white gloves and reflective aviators.

"Yeah," I said closing the door behind me heading towards the sleek black town car. I got inside and settled in for the ride.

It took thirty five minutes to get there and once I was inside the building that housed Cormac's office, I was ushered into a clean white room with a backless padded bench in front of a desk with some papers on it and plush leather office chair behind that.

I waited only minutes before Cormac arrived. He walked around the desk slowly and smiled. "Awe Isabella, you are starting to show, how lovely." He sat down carefully. "Forgive me for not noticing the last time we met but I was very weak then."

"You seem to be recovering well," I said crossing my legs.

"Quite well." He smiled and looked back down at the papers in front of him.

We sat in silence until I had to ask a question that had been bothering me for a little over a week. "How come you had a heart attack? Aren't we all perfect?"

He looked up at me with a look of confusion. That same look of confusion that he always seemed to have every time I asked him a question; he leaned back in his chair. "Well Isabella, no matter what changes I have made we are all still human and not everything works perfectly all the time. At least not on the inside, it was the one thing we couldn't figure out, why it only affected the outside and not the inside. Sickness is still a part of our lives and always will be. Are you ready to begin?"

I nodded.

"Wonderful, hand me your arm." He stuck his arms out and reached for mine.

I moved my limb towards his and he took it pushing up my sleeve. He tied off my arm, took out a needle and found a vein. "Unfortunately because you are pregnant we can't perform any procedures that might help us see into your mind so we might have to wait till you've had the baby to really get anywhere." He pulled the needle out.

"What?" I said looking at him with wide frantic eyes. "Why do this now then?"

"Well Isabella it's going to take months to figure out what's different about you. I am just getting a jump start with what I can." He looked back down at the papers. "You can go now."

"When will you need me again?" I said sitting forward.

"Not until the baby is born but if something comes up I'll call you, let you know." He didn't even look up at me.

I nodded and swallowed hard, standing walking towards the door. Just as my hand was about to turn the handle I turned and looked at him. "Cormac?"

He looked up at me. He didn't say anything but his expression told me I was free to ask my question.

"Could I come back next week?" I took a step forward and began playing with my hands nervously.

He looked confused, again.

"Like for coffee?" I said trying to ease the confusion.

"You can't drink coffee." This was a fact.

"For fucking juice then." I liked cursing and it felt like I never did it anymore.

"Why?" he said angling his head to the side while he narrowed his eyes.

"Cause wouldn't it be nice to talk to someone that had a true knowledge of the past? Someone you didn't have to censor yourself around?" I had a pleading tone to my voice. I hated the fact that I wanted to spend time with him but he was the only person I didn't feel on guard with. I had to do this, it was all I had.

He stared at me for awhile. His eyes seem to glaze over like he was thinking about something else. He was deep in thought so deep he didn't speak for almost two minutes.

"Cormac?"

He jolted and started shaking his head. "I don't really know what you're talking about." The smiled returned to his face. "But if it will make life bearable then I suppose I will see you next week. I'll have someone call you and inform you of the pick up time." And once again he went back to his papers.

I took the same town car home and started dinner. I listened to Edward tell the stories of his day, we watched some TV and then we had sex. He fell asleep soon after and I started planning my week so that my constant routine of waiting wouldn't feel quite like waiting.

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**Sorry this took me so long. I moved AGAIN and I have been super distracted. I might be distracted again because I might be moving AGAIN cause I can't stay in one place too long apparently. **

**I know where this is going it's just taking me awhile to get the inspiration I need to actually write it. It's happening with The Taste of Blood to all of you who read that fan fic as well. **

**I'm gonna try my hardest. I am going to lock myself in my room tonight and try to write something. **

**Thanks for sticking with me I really appreciate it. **


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